This book by Dale Carnegie is on many recommendation lists, but I never picked it up until this year because I felt that the title is rather obnoxious. But I finally relented to find out why rave reviews are all about. And the book was originally published in 1936, so the title was probably more acceptable at the time.
Despite my reservations, the book is not about manipulating people, but about improving communication skills to have better relationships with people. And the suggestions in the book are applicable in both professional and private settings. After finishing the book, I must admit that this is the best book I've read this year and the one where I've learned from most.
The author also suggests that the readers stop frequently while reading to ask themselves how they can apply each suggestion. Dale Carnegie also prepares a list of principles to be applied at the end of every section. However, I think the principles would have better context if presented next to the chapter title. Therefore, as a reminder for myself, I've put a list of these principles below. I will refer back to this list every once in a while to make sure that I don't forget them and try to apply them in life.
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
| Chapter |
Principle |
| If You Want to Gather Honey, Don't Kick Over the Beehive |
Don't criticize, condemn or complain. |
| The Big Secret of Dealing with People |
Give honest and sincere appreciation. |
| He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way |
Arouse in the other person an eager want. |
Six Ways to Make People Like You
| Chapter |
Principle |
| Do This and You'll Be Welcome Anywhere |
Become genuinely interested in other people. |
| A Simple Way to Make A Good First Impression |
Smile. |
| If You Don't Do This, You Are Headed for Trouble |
Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. |
| An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist |
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. |
| How to Interest People |
Talk in terms of the other person's interests. |
| How to Make People Like You Instantly |
Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely. |
How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
| Chapter |
Principle |
| You Can't Win an Argument |
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. |
| A Sure Way of Making Enemies - and How to Avoid It |
Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong." |
| If You're Wrong, Admit It |
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. |
| A Drop of Honey |
Begin in a friendly way. |
| The Secret of Socrates |
Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately. |
| The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints |
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. |
| How to Get Cooperation |
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. |
| A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You |
Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view. |
| What Everybody Wants |
Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires. |
| An Appeal That Everybody Likes |
Appeal to the nobler motives. |
| The Movies Do It. TV Does It. Why Don't You Do It? |
Dramatize your ideas. |
| When Nothing Else Works, Try This |
Throw down a challenge. |
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
| Chapter |
Principle |
| If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way to Begin |
Begin with praise and honest appreciation. |
| How to Criticize - and Not Be Hated for It |
Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly. |
| Talk About Your Own Mistakes First |
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. |
| No One Likes to Take Orders |
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. |
| Let the Other Person Save Face |
Let the other person save face. |
| How to Spur People On to Success |
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise." |
| Give a Dog a Good Name |
Give a person a fine reputation to live up to. |
| Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct |
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. |
| Making People Glad to Do What You Want |
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. |
